Who provides for you?

I was in my car on the way home from a weary day. My legs and eyes were heavy with a lack of sleep, and late nights. You see I had not been sleeping well due to some financial woes which were keeping me up and we were really feeling the squeeze on the 'ol wallet. I was thinking to myself, "What am I gonna' do?"

So there I am, in the car, cruising along, trying to stay awake and stay in one lane of traffic repeating the question, "What do I do?" and the statement which followed, "I gotta provide for my family!"

All the sudden it hit me. The question had changed. It was as if Jesus himself was sitting in the back seat tapping me on the shoulder and saying, "Pardon me sir, I didn't quite catch that last phrase. Would you mind repeating it for me please."

I said it again. "I gotta' provide for my family.

And then I pictured him in the back seat, looking at my tired eyes in the mirror and saying,

"Now let me get this straight, my child. Who is it that provides for you?"

I felt like pulling over the car, hopping out onto the side and balling my eyes out. I had been seriously mistaken and paid for it with many nights of lost sleep (not to mention all the fresh, tasty espresso that did me no good) It was my fault. I was trying to carry a burden that God never intended for me to do in the first place.

Again, I pictured my Lord in the back asking me, "Now who is it that provided you with a home, a shelter, a roof over your head?"

I sheepeshly replied, "It was you, Lord. Thank you for reminding me."

"And refresh my memory, but who was it that introduced you to your lovely wife?" I pictured him asking...

"No one else but you, oh Lord."

"And would you be willing to tell me who gave you those three little healthy bambinos? Who keeps the clothes on their back? and the food in your fridge? and the Black Forrest Gummie bears in your lower right desk drawer?" (I didn't know he knew about the bears. Now I gotta' share 'em)

Again I would reply with, "It was always you, Lord. You have given me every good relationship and possession that I have."

With tears in my eyes, even now as I write this entry, I sat there as I felt him say, clear as a bell..."What makes you think...I would not continue to provide for you now?"

I sank deeper into my chair as those words bellowed over and over in my head. Apart from HIM, Jesus Christ, my Lord and savior, I am nothing, and I have nothing. It is only because of HIM and his loving mercy to forgive all the stupid stuff I have done in my life, that I have been blessed with positive, uplifting and encouraging relationships with friends, and more importantly my own kids, and especially my loving wife. I would have none of that to worry about if it were not for HIS grace. Thus there is no need to worry...God has only asked me to be a loving husband to my wife, a loving father to my kids, a good son, brother, and friend to those around me, except for cats. Jesus asked us a long time ago to cast all our cares upon HIM, and he would do the rest. I needn't worry about how to continue providing for them, even in the most dire of circumstances...as they say in the union...'SSS not my job. God has asked me to simply manage my relationships and my stuff as best as I possibly can and in a manner that reflects his love toward us and glorifies HIM, and HE will take care of all the complicated stuff.

Perhaps God placed me in that situation to remind me that it is HE who takes care of me, and provides for me and my loved ones. Maybe he placed me in that situation to tell this story becuase I am not the only person out there who stays awake at night wondering how to keep the heat on in the winter, or keep the roof over our heads, or keep food in the fridge...and that by this story you might be blessed and reminded that none of it is ours anyway, we're to simply manage it the best we can until our next assignment rather than try to take over control and worry about anything and everything which would be nothing more than a waste of our energy and time in a World Gone Mad.